YOU MAY have expected to read about football in this week’s column. However, with all the shenanigans that have happened at our respective clubs over the past seven days or so it only seems fair to tell you that we’re all going to the circus!

To Stamford Bridge for our first act.  Here we find a group of elite athletes presided over by a manic Russian ex-pat and all sorts of tricks, so it can only be the acrobats.  Drogba gave the Blues the lead with a superb header but this was topped by a quite magnificent bicycle kick from Tim Cahill. 

From the sublime to the ridiculous: the Saints at Sheffield Wednesday.  No one can query my choice of clowns for Southampton as they conspired to concede four goals in 13 minutes, having already performed some laughable defending when conceding a first-half penalty.  Southampton now languish in the bottom half of the table and I fully expect an array of wigs, face paint and red noses next week.

West Ham trounced Derby at Pride Park over the weekend and I suppose they could be likened to lion tamers.  It appeared that they may have performed some stupendous feat but in fact they managed to conquer nothing more than a tame, rather pathetic beast.  Lions in sheep’s clothing?

I’m afraid it wasn’t anything of the sort for the Rams.

The magicians were in action on Monday night at the Madjeski Stadium as Arsenal wowed another team and set of fans to return to the top of the Premiership.  Since Wenger made Henry disappear, his geese have turned into swans so much so that even Mathieu Flamini was able to score first in a 3-1 triumph.  Now that is an impressive trick.  

The knives were out at the Stadium of Light for the early kick-off on Saturday as Newcastle and Sunderland locked horns in a battle royale. The game finished 1-1 but was marred by a quite shocking “tackle” by Joey Barton on Dickson Etuhu.  The Magpies’ midfielder maliciously planted his studs into his opponent’s thigh, ouch!  Anyway, Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce and owner Mike Ashley can form my next act as the knife-throwing daredevils.  Big Sam will be strapped to the rotating board as Ashley aims sharp implements at him.  For the time being the owner keeps missing but if results don’t start to take a turn for the better there will be more knives and maybe a very sore manager.